You get engaged and the first question people ask is “so when are you getting married?”
You get married and the first question people then ask is “so when are you having a baby?”
Since when did it become ok to ask such a person and private question?
On the other hand, some people don't see them as personal and private questions, everyone sees these questions very differently. Even my husband and I both have different views on this but losing Jack has made my views on these questions change.
Complete strangers have asked me, like many others that question and I often wonder if people that ask that question have ever wondered....
How do you know that the couple or one of them don’t want children?
How do you know that the couple can have children?
How do you know they don’t have health or infertility problems?
How do you the couple can afford to have a baby?
How do you know that they haven’t been trying for a baby and haven’t been able to conceive?
How do you know that they haven’t already suffered a miscarriage, stillborn or lost their son or daughter and maybe they can’t face the possibility of another loss?
People might see it as an innocent question but we just never know how a “seemingly innocent” question might cause someone grief, pain, stress or frustration. I have spoken to so many people that struggle with this question on a daily basis and I have heard the devastating impact that it can have on their life and marriage. The way I see it is that if someone wants to talk to us about their future plans then they will, maybe we don’t need to ask. Maybe the next time someone goes to ask “so when are you having a baby?” they will might think about all of the above possibilities.
I am very lucky that I have "married the man who helped me to smile again"
When Jack died, I could never have imagined falling in love and marrying such an amazing husband but .... I did. If there's hope of happiness for me, there's hope for every bereaved family 💙