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I Only Have A Picture Now

I only have a picture now,
A frozen piece of time,
To remind me of how it was,
When you were here, and mine.

...

I see your smiling eyes,
Each morning when I wake,
I talk to you, and place a kiss,
Upon your lovely face.

How much I miss you being here,
I really cannot say,
The ache is deep inside my heart,
And never goes away.

I hear it mentioned often,
That time will heal the pain,
But if I'm being honest,
I hope it will remain.

I need to feel you constantly,
To get me through the day,
I loved you so very much,
Why did you go away?

The angels came and took you,
That really wasn't fair,
They took my one and only Son,
My future life. My heir.

If only they had asked me,
If I would take your place,
I would have done so willingly,
Leaving you this world to grace.

You should have had so many years,
To watch your life unfold,
And in the mist of this,
Watch me, your Mum grow old!

I hope you're watching from above,
At the daily tasks I do,
And let there be no doubt at all,
I really do love you.

A Picture of You By Deborah Robinson

Sending love and strength to everyone who is living without their son or daughter.

SAM 0872

I Need Help

The day after this photograph was taken was the day that I realised I needed help.

It is true when they say “never judge a book by its cover”. On the outside, I looked happy and full of fun but on the inside, I was struggling to cope with day-to-day life and dealing with my overwhelming grief and emotions.

I had just marked the fourth anniversary of my son’s death, my fourth Christmas without him and what should have been his 10th Birthday when I finally admitted that I needed help. For over three years, I had tried to keep busy, tried to keep going, tried to just get on with it but after one week in bed feeling the lowest I ever had, I finally admitted that just “keeping going” wasn’t working for me anymore. I knew that I had to face the death of my son, face my grief and face myself. The day after this photograph was taken; I finally had the courage to make an appointment to see a counsellor. I had spoken about getting help so many times over the years but I had to get to that low point to finally take the step. Taking that step has turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life. For me, therapy has saved my life, my heart, my head and my relationships.
I’m not going to lie, it was awful to start with and I hated every minute of the first 4-5 sessions. Every week I would leave feeling emotionally and physically drained, my head would be sore, I would feel physically sick and have to go straight to bed. Every week, I would think “is this making me worse”, “I can’t go back there next week” but I did go back every week and why? Because I wanted to help myself and no matter how hard it is, I want to be able to cope with my son’s death, my grief, my emotions and my life.

Why am I sharing this? It is not because I want pity or sympathy, it is because I want to mark the end of Mental Health Awareness Month and how getting professional help has helped me on my journey. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, there is nothing to be ashamed of. I am proud that I got myself help and I am proud that I have had the courage to stick with it when it would have been easier for me to walk away and not face my issues.

I suppose for me, more people are sensitive to my thoughts and feelings because they know that my son died. Many people will say you “have a reason to struggle to cope or feel the way the way that you do, you have a reason to be sad or angry”. People who don’t face as traumatic circumstances don’t always get the same grace because there is so much stigma attached to mental health issues.

People understand broken legs and physical pain but many people don’t understand broken hearts and emotional pain. Nobody chooses the emotions that they have or to have mental health issues and by talking about our experiences, we can try to combat the taboo around this subject. Hopefully you will join me in sharing your journey to help others who are suffering.

At Brightest Star, we provide counselling in Glasgow to parents, siblings and grandparents who have lost their son, daughter, sibling or grandchild at any age, from any cause of death. If you want to take that first step of getting help, please get in touch.

Arlene, Jacks Mummy xx

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I Would Give My Life

I would give my life to have you back, said his Mum
I know you would, said her son.
I cry each night for you, said his Mum
And I catch all of your tears said her son
I pray for the day that I can see you again, said his Mum...
Close your eyes and you can see me, said her son
I am always just a dream away.............

You are the first person who loved me,
and you are the first person I loved.
You were always there when I needed you,
and you always knew when I needed a hug.

I am here for you now, mum
in your heart and in your soul.
I did not take your heart with me
instead I left mine with you to hold.

One day I will take your hand
and lead you to paradise,
but until then my beautiful mother,
when you want to see me
you only need to close your eyes.
I am always just a dream away.....

I would give anything to have Jack back and everyday without him causes pain in my life. What i wouldnt give to feel his arms around my neck and to hear him tell me that he loves me.
Life just isnt fair sometimes and i wish no mother or father ever had to experience the pain of losing their son or daughter.
Sadly many do and there are such a lack of services for families that suffer such a tragic loss. Brightest Star provides one to one services in and around Glasgow for families that lose their son, daughter, sibling or grandchild, at any age, from any cause of death. Please get in touch, if we can support you xx

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What If I Told You

What if I told you that at the bright age of 5
The world in his palms
The stars in his eyes
That a boy so happy
So full of joy
World became dull
As he shut his eyes
What if I told you
That a boy no more than five
Had just a simple virus
But failed to survive
What if I told you
That little Jack Kennedy
Was a healthy little boy
Didn’t hurt easily
Laughed did not cry
It was unexpected for him to go
His parents left with sorrow and woe
What if I told you
that for that life threatening ride
His parents couldn’t be with him in the ambulance by his side
What if I told you that
Jack battled and fought
But there was no room at the inn
Not a bed to be sought
And what if I told you
That instead of mourning they strived
Picked up the pace
Determined to let his legacy survive
Because jack did pass away and yes they cried
But they worked through the pain instead of shutting their eyes
Because this- death -happens every day
Happens to those who don’t know what to say
And so Brightest Star strives
to help parents in need
And helps them to get through
helps their lives to proceed
What if I told you
That there are many like Jack
One day worlds bright
The next stark black
This time of loss
And this time of grieving
Brightest Star
Helped families to keep believing
And what if I told you that
These dedicated people give up their time
They use volunteers
To run, jump and climb
To raise money for Jack
And all children alike
For Brightest Star they will always fight
What if I told you
That this money is not a waste
That you really should try to donate
They need it for ambulances and first aid too
So give them the help they need to pursue
So come join jacks army
We really need your help
I’m telling you now and I’m telling you true
Be a hero today and
Make Jack proud of you
A beautiful poem written by one of our young supporters about Jack and Brightest Star. We really need your support to do the work we do. Lets all like and share this amazing poem to show people why Brightest Star exists.
Arlene, Jack's Mummy xxx18278286 1347946671963947 3461623716392918515 o