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Is Time A Healer??

We walked together, you and I.
We talked, we laughed, we loved.
We shared so many happy times
And for that, I am thankful.

We walked together, you and I.
But only for a short time.
For all too soon it ended
Leaving broken hearts behind.

And even though I miss you,
More than words can say,
I thankful that I got to walk with you
Every moment of each day.

~ Author Unknown

People always tell you that time is a great healer but im not too sure we can say that about everything. Parts of my grief have changed over time but there are some parts that never seem to change. Exactly one year on from this post and for me, still the hardest part of my grief is missing Jack. Nothing seems to ever take that feeling away or make it any easier. Missing his little character, his fun, his face, his smile, his cuddles, his love.

Sadly, i am not alone in this loss and all the people took the time and courage to post about their children last week are living proof of this. Tonight I am thinking about all of those who are missing their son or daughter.Please take the time to let them know that you are thinking of them too.

Arlene, Jack's Mummy xx

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Why my Son?

Why did my son have to die? Why him? Why, why why? Life can be so unfair and so cruel and I just don’t understand why.

Today as Jacks school friends had their first visit to secondary school and learned about science and cooking; I asked myself those questions all the more. It wasn’t just any secondary school that they were visiting; it was the secondary school that I work in. Jack was so looking forward to coming to my school but he will never get the chance to do that. He w...ould say “we can go to school together mummy” and “if I am in your class can you give homework to everyone else but not me”. The depth of the sadness that I have felt the last few days is indescribable. As I walked through the corridor today and I saw his friends play outside, my stomach sank as I realised that life really does move on and Jack is a life in the past. They are all taller and older looking but I only know Jack as being age 5, I don’t know what Jack would look like anymore. I feel such an intense sadness for Jack, for the life and friends that he is missing, for the opportunities that he is missing now and will always miss in the future. Why did he have to die? This wasn’t the life we had planned; he had so much ahead of him. Why, why, why!!

Today I realised that sometimes we don’t know how strong we are until being strong is the only option we have. I lay in bed this morning crying to Paul that I didn’t want to go to work today, I cried all the way to work but as soon as I walked in that door, I put my mask on and did my job like every other person. Inside my heart was breaking and I cried when I was alone but I made it through the day simply because I had to. Emotionally, I didn’t cope all too well with today but I made it out my bed and I completed a day’s work with nobody except those closest to me knowing how much I was suffering. I feel mentally and physically drained but I am still standing. 3 years ago; I don’t know that I could have coped with today at all, I probably wouldn’t have went to my work and if I did, I doubt I would have coped with seeing Jacks friends, a day’s work and the emotions inside me.

I am glad today is over but I know that it doesn’t end here; I know the milestones are never going to stop for the rest of my life without Jack. When a child dies, the world stops, there’s so much focus from other people on the 1sts, first birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas’s etc but the milestones for a child at any age, whether its 1 or 51, never end. The death of a child really is the worst imaginable loss. I wish I never knew this loss, life or pain. Why, why, why!!

Sending love and strength to all families living with the loss of their son or daughter.

Arlene, Jacks Mummy xxx

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Happy Wedding Anniversary

Once upon a time, there was a girl who lost her soul,
The shining light that lit her life was taken from her world.
Life was harsh and sleep was hard ,
But strong she stood through it all.
A fairy love story brought back a smile,...
And helped to mend her world,
A present sent from heaven above,
Jack sent her someone to love.
A handsome man, her shining knight,
Took her hand, won’t let her fall,
A strength to help rebuild her a life,
A strength we all know is Paul.

3 years ago today, I was alone and wondering what my future held without Jack. The love and happiness in my life left the day that Jack died and I had lost all hope for the future. To me, there was no future without Jack.

1 year ago today, my life changed and I married the man who made me smile again. When Jack died, I really believed that I would never feel happiness, love or hope again. I didn’t think it would be possible to ever smile or feel love again after the death of your child but I think these personal pictures of our wedding day show that those thoughts are not true. Nothing can ever replace my son or the life and love that we had together but Paul has given me a second chance at life. Yes, my life is still full of sadness, low days and what ifs but with Paul and our families and friends, my life is also filled with good times, laughter, love and hope.

Today I want to thank Jack for sending Paul to look after his mummy, I just wish he was here with us. And I want to thank Paul for giving me a second chance at life, love, happiness and hope. This fairytale had the saddest beginning and it will always have that special someone missing from it but Jack and Paul have given me the chance of love, laughter and a happy ever after.

Some people never get the chance to be a mother and some people never get the chance to fall in love and marry their best friend. I have been able to experience both so for that, I feel very lucky. I know more than most that tomorrow is never guaranteed so maybe tonight, take a minute to tell your partner, husband, wife or children that you love them.

Arlene, Jack’s Mummy xx

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Let Them Know

There is a very silent mass of hearts that never beat,
a secret group of men and women, who walk among our streets.
I’m one of those who hide my pain, and rarely do you see,
how hard the day can sometimes be and how it tortures me.

...

These men and women walk a different path and live a different life ;
they try to conquer challenges amid a soul of strife.
Our tears fall soft and silently when no one is near,
the pain we have felt has changed us and there is not much else ewe fear.

A miracle was sent to us and all our dreams seemed real,
I never dreamed the kind of love a mothers soul could feel.
I wish my dream had lasted and my lifer had stayed the same,
but fate had other plans for me and I search for who to blame

I had my child for a less than expected time and my life seems empty now,
I hope each night my life will change and someone will show me how.
I seem to make it through each day although I rarely truly smile,
And hold onto the hope that my broken heart will hold on for another while.

No-one really knows us, there is no way they could feel the kind o f pain we suffer with a heart that cannot heal.
But one day when the sunshine ends and our time on this earth is world is through, we will have our children back again and our lifes will be born new.

By Diane Ranker Riesen

I wish I wasn’t one of those people but I am, I wish I didn’t feel this pain but I do.
I wish my child would come home but he wont, I wish I could turn back time but I can’t.
All I can do is take each day as it comes, some days I might get out of bed and function and some days I might stay in bed.
Some days I might want to talk about my grief and my son and some days I might not.
All of which are ok as despite what people may say, there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

Brightest star is here to support that “secret group” of men and women who walk among our streets. There should be nothing secret about us or our grief and Brightest Star can’t “fix you” “make you better” or make you “move on” as people may tell you too but we can give you a safe space to meet other parents who have lost a child through our parent support meetings. Brightest Star also offers parents the opportunity for one tot one sessions with a counsellor and bereaved siblings the opportunity to work with our play and adolescent therapist. If you would like to know more about our services or wish to make appointments, please get in touch. If you know someone who has lost a child of any age, please let them know that Brightest Star exists.

Arlene x

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