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My Special Avenger

Little did I know when I was looking for an avengers cake in 2012 that just over 1 month later, Jack would suddenly die and never get to celebrate another birthday again.

Never did I think I would see the day that I would be living without my son but I am. Never did I think that an everyday cold and virus could kill a child but it can. Be extra vigilant with your children as we enter the winter months, I wish I knew then what I know now.

Jack loved his birthday party that ...year and I am lucky that I have these memories. I am lucky that in my broken heart and head, I know my son knew that I loved him and that I would do anything for him. I am lucky that I showered him with love, attention and affection and I took the time every day to show and tell him that he was loved.

In 2012, I had no idea how my life was about to change, life is so precious and like mine, your life could be changed overnight too. No matter how busy you get, always take the time to show and tell your children that they are loved. As I know all too well, tomorrow is never guaranteed.

Arlene XX

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Yesterday I realised that the last time I ever saw Jack alive, he was dressed up. The last time I ever got to feel him kiss, cuddle me back and wave him off to school, he was dressed as an elf. How did all this happen? Why did it have to be him? Why did he have to die? I still can’t believe that I will never see my son again and times like Halloween make the pain feel almost unbearable. I find special occasions and family times so hard, I feel isolated and different from the of world. Life can go on for other people but it can’t for me. I feel stuck in a past and present life.

From a young age, Jack loved to dress up all year round but Halloween was always extra special in our house. Because Jacks Birthday was on Xmas day, I always tried to make other occasions like Easter and Xmas extra special for Jack and his friends, maybe that’s another reason as to why I find these occasions so hard now. Most houses are busy getting their children's Halloween outfits ready, decorating the house, organising the trick or treat bags and taking the children to all their Halloween parties. That used to be my house and my life with Jack and I feel so sad for Jack and all he is missing.

There are thousands of houses missing a son or daughter this Halloween, hundreds of parents feeling the pain of looking at the last pictures of their child dressed up for Halloween. It is not just young children who are missing out this Halloween, there are so many teenagers and adults that are missing out on parties with their friends. It doesn’t matter what age the person is, they are still someone’s son or daughter and those families don’t want them to be forgotten.

As you make Halloween bags for your trick or treaters this weekend or buy a drink for a friend at a Halloween party, spare a thought for those children, teenagers and adults who are no longer here to join in on the fun. Spare a thought for their parents, siblings and families who may be finding this time difficult.

If everyone on this page spent £1 on a trick or treat bag or drink for Brightest Star by Texting JACK06 £1 to 70070 then we could raise nearly £30,000 for bereaved families.

Please share this will your friends and spare a thought for all those who are missing their child this Halloween, send them a text, mention their child names, post their name here. Something so small can mean so much to someone grieving

Arlene, Jack's Mummy xxx

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Is Time A Healer??

We walked together, you and I.
We talked, we laughed, we loved.
We shared so many happy times
And for that, I am thankful.

We walked together, you and I.
But only for a short time.
For all too soon it ended
Leaving broken hearts behind.

And even though I miss you,
More than words can say,
I thankful that I got to walk with you
Every moment of each day.

~ Author Unknown

People always tell you that time is a great healer but im not too sure we can say that about everything. Parts of my grief have changed over time but there are some parts that never seem to change. Exactly one year on from this post and for me, still the hardest part of my grief is missing Jack. Nothing seems to ever take that feeling away or make it any easier. Missing his little character, his fun, his face, his smile, his cuddles, his love.

Sadly, i am not alone in this loss and all the people took the time and courage to post about their children last week are living proof of this. Tonight I am thinking about all of those who are missing their son or daughter.Please take the time to let them know that you are thinking of them too.

Arlene, Jack's Mummy xx

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Why my Son?

Why did my son have to die? Why him? Why, why why? Life can be so unfair and so cruel and I just don’t understand why.

Today as Jacks school friends had their first visit to secondary school and learned about science and cooking; I asked myself those questions all the more. It wasn’t just any secondary school that they were visiting; it was the secondary school that I work in. Jack was so looking forward to coming to my school but he will never get the chance to do that. He w...ould say “we can go to school together mummy” and “if I am in your class can you give homework to everyone else but not me”. The depth of the sadness that I have felt the last few days is indescribable. As I walked through the corridor today and I saw his friends play outside, my stomach sank as I realised that life really does move on and Jack is a life in the past. They are all taller and older looking but I only know Jack as being age 5, I don’t know what Jack would look like anymore. I feel such an intense sadness for Jack, for the life and friends that he is missing, for the opportunities that he is missing now and will always miss in the future. Why did he have to die? This wasn’t the life we had planned; he had so much ahead of him. Why, why, why!!

Today I realised that sometimes we don’t know how strong we are until being strong is the only option we have. I lay in bed this morning crying to Paul that I didn’t want to go to work today, I cried all the way to work but as soon as I walked in that door, I put my mask on and did my job like every other person. Inside my heart was breaking and I cried when I was alone but I made it through the day simply because I had to. Emotionally, I didn’t cope all too well with today but I made it out my bed and I completed a day’s work with nobody except those closest to me knowing how much I was suffering. I feel mentally and physically drained but I am still standing. 3 years ago; I don’t know that I could have coped with today at all, I probably wouldn’t have went to my work and if I did, I doubt I would have coped with seeing Jacks friends, a day’s work and the emotions inside me.

I am glad today is over but I know that it doesn’t end here; I know the milestones are never going to stop for the rest of my life without Jack. When a child dies, the world stops, there’s so much focus from other people on the 1sts, first birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas’s etc but the milestones for a child at any age, whether its 1 or 51, never end. The death of a child really is the worst imaginable loss. I wish I never knew this loss, life or pain. Why, why, why!!

Sending love and strength to all families living with the loss of their son or daughter.

Arlene, Jacks Mummy xxx

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