Back to School...

My back to school photo doesn’t look the way that your photo will your will look 💔
My back to school photo doesn’t look the way that my photos used to look either 💔
 
When I took Jacks back to school picture in P2, I never thought it would be his last.
Who would?
This is the kind of thing you see on tv, it doesn’t happen to you right?
 
Sadly that’s wrong and as hard hitting as this photo might be, this is the reality for so many families as the new school year begins.
This is a reality that needs to be acknowledged and spoken about.
Our children, their death and our grief are not taboo subjects, they are real life.
 
When Jack was younger, I would buy him an avengers school bag and lunchbox, pack it with his favourite foods and take it to the cemetery.
As his mum, I have a real need to feel like I can still do things for Jack and this seemed like the only practical thing that I could do at the start of the her school year.
Everyone is different but that was just my way of coping with the situation.
People often ask what is “normal” after your child dies?
“Normal” is whatever works for you and your broken heart.
 
Jack would now be 14 so I don’t feel that I can buy him avengers school bags anymore.
This year feels like another milestone for Jack, my beautiful boy should be starting S4 and preparing for his exams.
So this year, I decided to buy his shirt and his senior pupil school tie.
Jack might not be physically present in the school but this is my way of including him in his school.
 
As difficult as the return to school is, I have to accept this reality and face it head on.
No matter how sore my heart is, I will arrive at work tomorrow and do the best that I can for the school pupils in front of me. I would have wanted nothing less for Jack.
 
As I sit in class and watch all of Jacks friends growing up, I will have no idea what Jack would be like or look like now.
He is missing out so much and that is the reality that hurts my heart 💔
 
Some of his friends might think of Jack tomorrow and that’s what keeps me going.
I suppose, just like they are a reminder for me, I am also a reminder for them.
No parent ever wants their child to be forgotten.
If you know someone who has lost their child, something as simple as a text saying your thinking of them and their child who is missing nursery, school or uni could make all the difference to them.
 
This isn’t the kind of thing that you see on tv.
This is real life, tomorrow is never guaranteed.
That back to school photo is never guaranteed.
 
Give your children those extra hugs, kisses and I love you moments ❤️
 
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