Remembering You Is Easy

On the night that Jack died in my arms, I did not believe that I would survive 7 and a half hours without him. Today, I find myself having survived 7 and a half years without him and I am not quite sure how I got to here

Over the last few months, I have had so many conversations with newly bereaved parents and all of them have asked…..

“How have you survived all these years without your child?”

“How do you cope with the pain?”

“Does this pain get any easier?”

Over seven years ago, I met the most beautiful mum who had also lost her son and I remember asking her all of those questions. My life was empty, I had nothing to live for and the pain of losing Jack was getting more and more intense and unbearable everyday. I couldn’t see any future or life without Jack, I was in a deep black hole and I didn’t see any light at all.

 

Meeting that beautiful mum, gave me hope, hope that I could somehow survive, cope with, live with the death of Jack and I have held onto that hope ever since.

To be honest, I don’t have all the answers, I don’t really know how I have got through the years without Jack but I have.

I am still here, I am still standing, I am still fighting my way through the dark days but….. I smile now, I laugh now, I live a life with grief in it now and I am still hopeful that better days will come.

 

Every bereaved parent wants to know how to survive the loss of their child because there often seems like no way out of the pain and the grief. It is so physically and mentally unbearable that you just want the pain to end. You may hear many bereaved parents will say that they want to die, I said it many times myself. Many people will tell me that they would have killed themselves if they had lost their child, why did I never kill myself? There two reasons and I often tell newly bereaved parents these....

 

Firstly, I could never let my mum and dad experience the pain of losing their child. I know what this pain is like and I could never inflict that on anyone, they have suffered enough. They have lost their grandson but they have also lost their daughter as I will never the be same Arlene I was before I lost Jack.

Secondly, Jack was robbed of his life at 5 years old. He loved life and he had his whole life ahead of him. To take my own life, would be an insult to his memory as I know that he would do anything to have his life back and to be here right now.

 

I just hope that when my time on earth is up, I will get to see my beautiful boy again.

If we don’t have hope, what do we have?

 

Remembering you in easy,

I do it every day,

Missing you is the heartache that never goes away.

xxx