I’m not a the type of person to ask for help or to ask people to do things for me.
Im certainly not the type of person who would ask people to do things in memory of Jack.
I suppose I’ve always seen it as, if people want to do something in his memory, then they will. If I ask, then it’s almost making them feel that they have to do it and that defeats the point.
When Jack first died, everyone who knew Jack was at 10ks etc. but as the 7 years have gone on, the numbers have dropped and dropped and of course, as his mum, that’s been hard to watch.
I have spent many a day crying at the sidelines feeling that people don’t care about Jacks memory anymore.
The reality is, people move on; their life’s move, their circumstances change, they are affected by other scenarios and people have other commitments etc. It’s taken me a long long time to accept that fact and I can’t say I still don’t find it sad. Of course, there are still a solid few who still come to events or do things but I suppose I fell into a false sense of security when I saw all of those people doing things in Jacks memory the first year he died, in reality that was never going to remain the case. It’s taken me so long to come to terms with that I know so many other bereaved families will identify with this.
The other day a friend messaged me to say that she had signed up for the Kiltwalk in memory of Jack and I just burst into tears as I read it.
Jack has been gone 7 years and it meant so much to me that she wanted to do something to remember Jack, my boy Jack. I didn’t ask because I wouldn’t ask and that’s what meant so much more.
I have another friend who takes Jack around the world on marathons with her and she wears my boy with pride, she will randomly message me saying "can I take jack on another holiday". I have a small group of friends who have messaged me on every 19th of the month for 7 years.
At Xmas, my friend always leaves a present and a card.
Some of my friends will always make a point of talking about Jack when they see me or text me saying they are thinking about him.
Another friend takes his son to visit Jack and each time they go, they leave a Thomas the tank because Jack knew his son loved them. When I walk up to Jacks grave and see a Thomas, it makes my heart warm because I know they still care enough to go visit him. Every bereaved parents fear is that their child is forgotten
If you haven’t lost a child, you really have no idea how small gestures like these can make such a difference. If you know someone who has lost a child, let them know that their child is still remembered. If you have any other suggestions or things people do to remember your child that helps your heart then please feel feee to post and you just never know who they could help xxx
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