Jack's Ambulance

When someone you love dies, many people look for signs that their loved one is still with them. Whether it’s white feathers, robins or rainbows, people look for signs that give them comfort, signs that their loved one is still around them.

Since my son Jack died, I’ve never really been a person that’s actively looked for signs, I suppose I was too scared to rely on signs, incase I didn’t get them when I needed them most. Don’t get me wrong, there have been times when I would have wanted nothing more than some kind of sign that Jack was still with me.

During my pregnancy, Paul and I would often see Jack’s ambulance at the Sick kids hospital next to the maternity unit. I would often say to Paul “I really hope we see Jack’s ambulance on the day our baby is born”.
It just felt really important to me that Jack was included in his brother or sisters birth.

As we walked into the maternity hospital on the morning of my section, I have to admit that I disappointed that Jack’s ambulance wasn’t there. Of course I didn’t want anyone to be hurt or needing it for an emergency, I suppose I just wanted to believe in those “signs”.
Paul gave me a hug and told me that Jack would be watching over and I just told myself that Jack was there in my heart.
During my labour, the midwifes let me wear my necklace of Jack’s handprint around my neck and it meant so much to me to put Summers J hand on Jack’s hand once she was born.

After I delivered Summer, I found it really hard seeing visitors coming into see Summer J.
I just kept looking around the room and thinking, there’s one person missing 💔
I kept thinking how Jack should be there and how he was missing out on the excitement of meeting his little sister 💔

Around tea time that day, my mum left the maternity ward to get me a sandwich from the shop in the main hospital.
My mum had only been gone for a few minutes when she called my phone.
I assumed she was phoning to tell me what sandwiches they had but instead she said...

“Arlene Jacks ambulance is outside”

This is the picture from that very moment. This was my sign that Jack was with us for his baby sister Summer J being born.

By the time my mum had gone into get the sandwich and came back out, jacks ambulance was gone. The ambulance was doing a transfer, thankfully no child was in danger. Of all the moments that day that my mum could have gone to the sandwich, she went, unknowingly, at the one time Jacks ambulance was outside. During my pregnancy, my mum knew how desperate I was for that sign and I’ll never forget the emotion in her voice when she called and said the words

“Arlene Jacks ambulance is outside”

That was the only sign I needed....I felt that was Jack’s way of saying, I’m here mum.
I’m watching over my little sister.
I only wish he was here to watch over her in person 💔

 

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