Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong
And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.
Nobody can ever imagine their child dying before them, people probably don’t even let it cross their mind. Why would anyone want to think about such a tragedy unless they had to? When you see a story about a child dying on the news or Facebook, it naturally makes you stop and think, what you would do or feel if your child died. The automatic thought for most parents to feel would be that they couldn’t survive the death of their child.
Many people have said to me, I couldn’t do it if I was you, I couldn’t go on, I wouldn’t be here if my child died. I totally understand why people say that and they don't intentionally mean to but those comments can hurt a parent who has lost a child. When Jack first died, I would get so upset when people would say that as I used to think does the fact that I am still here mean that people think I don’t love my son as much? Does the fact that I am still here mean that I don’t care as much about my son as they care about their children? Does the fact that I am still here mean that people think I don’t miss and grieve for my son every day? No is the answer to all of those questions but it has taken me a long time to realise that.
At one point or another, I can imagine every parent considers ending their own life when their child dies. It would be impossible not to, sometimes the pain feels too much to handle and sometimes that seems like the only way out. For me personally, there are two options...I die or I live and I wouldn’t put my own parents, family and friends through what I face on a daily basis but I can totally understand why people can feel there is no other way out. I feel the pain every day, it never goes away, look at the face and fun in that picture, how could this pain ever go away? I just try to lean on those closest to me during my darkest days and I just try to think.... I must be strong and carry on.
Maybe the next time you speak to a bereaved parent, especially a newly bereaved parent try to avoid the.....I couldn’t do it if I was you, I couldn’t go on, I wouldn’t be here if my child died. Instead tell them it is ok to have those thoughts and feelings and be the one to tell them that you will be there on their darkest days and hours.
If you have one minute today, share this post with your friends and maybe together, we can help bereaved parents.
Arlene, Jack’s Mummy xx
2 years on and this is still so true
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