At The Start

At the start, I couldn't imagine living 4 days without Jack. Today marks 4 and a half years since he died and I will never know how I've got to here.
It feels like forever since i cuddled him in this picture and forever since I wrote this....

My life without you is empty,
I need you back so much, ...
I wish you were here beside me,
I long to feel your touch.

Our time together was special
Our love was so strong
Why were you taken from me?
It all seems very wrong.
Why must I go on without you?

I miss you more each day,
You went away too quickly
The world is now so gray.

I think about you always
But that is nothing new,
When every day I have left
Has to be without you.

It has been now been 2 and half years since I saw my son alive, held him or heard his voice. This time two and half years ago, I could not have imagined surviving another 2 days, never mind two months or two years. In those days, I longed to see someone who was still living after the death of their child, I longed for them to tell how to deal with the loss of my son and I longed for them to tell me that the pain would become more bearable. Today I am that person who has survived after the death of their child and maybe now I can give that hope to someone.

There were times when I didn’t think that I would but somehow, I have made it to here. It’s not been easy; it’s been a rollercoaster of expected and unexpected sadness, highs and lows but……I am still standing. I am not the person that I was before I lost Jack, some days are worse than others, there is sadness in my heart and head every single day but I am still alive and functioning. Some days I even manage to live, not just function. After the loss of your child, just waking up in the morning is an achievement, take each day as it comes and know that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, grieve your own way. I have made it to here and you will too.

If you know a bereaved parent, try to give them the hope that I was looking for by tagging them in this post.

Arlene, Jack’s Mummy xx

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