When no words seem appropriate .....
~I won't say, "I know how you feel"- because I don't. I've lost parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, and pets, but I've never lost a child. So how can I say I know how you feel?
~I won't say, "You'll get over it"- because you won't. Life will have to go on. The washing, cooking, cleaning, the common routine. there....
~I won't say, "Your other children will comfort you"-because they may not. Many mothers I've talked to say that after they have lost a child, they easily lose their temper ith their remaining children.
~I won't say, "Never mind, you're young enough to have another baby"- because that won't help. A new baby can not replace the child you lost. A new baby fills your hours, keeps you busy, gives you sleepless nights. But it will not replace the one you lost.
So what will I say?
~I will say, "I am here. I care. Anytime. Anywhere." I will talk about your child. We'll laugh about the good memories. I won't mind how long you grieve. I won't tell you to pull yourself together.
~No, I don't know how you feel- but with sharing, perhaps I will learn a little of what you are going through.
~And perhaps you'll feel comfortable with me and find your burden has eased. Try me.
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