A Mother's Grief

Happy Birthday Baby Boy

Happy Birthday Baby Boy....Officially a teenager ... you should be here to celebrate today 💔You were best Christmas present any mummy could ask for 💚Loved and missed every day xxx
18. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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The Most Precious Video I...

As everyone prepares for Christmas, I’m thinking of my beautiful boy who is with Santa as his No1 elf.This is the most precious video I have of Jack because of its ending.My heart broke as I watched it because I didn’t remember that was how it ended 💔That turned out to be my last ever video of Jack and I’m just so glad I have this video to cherish.Its the only video I have of Jack cuddling me and what I would give for just one more cuddle with my boy. You see he’s not just a little boy on...
18. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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The Heart Of A Lion

He lives in youHe lives in meHe watches overEverything we seeIn every creatureIn every starIn your reflectionHe lives in you During his final days on this earth, Jack most definitely had the heart of a lion and the fight of a lion trying to stay alive.Against the odds, his heart started again after 7 minutes of resuscitation at the hospital, despite the fact we don’t know how long his heart had stopped before he even got to the hospital.Although unconscious, his heart fought for another 40 hours to stay alive until his body just couldn’t fight anymore.I remember the doctor telling...
15. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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Always You Will Be Part Of Me

Always you will be part of meAnd I will forever feel your strengthWhen I need it mostYou're gone now, gone but not forgottenI can't say this to your faceBut I know you hear I'll see you againYou never really leftI feel you walk beside meI know I'll see you again When I'm lost, I'm missing you like crazyAnd I tell myself I'm so blessedTo have had you in my life, my life I'll see you againYou never really leftI feel you walk beside meI know I'll see you again Jack Kennedy 
15. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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Jack Kennedy 🌟

They say memories are golden, well, maybe that is true.�I never wanted memories, I only wanted you.�A million times I cried.�If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.�In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still.�In my heart you hold a place no one else could fill. Jack Kennedy 🌟19th December 2012, the day our hearts broke forever 💔 Jacks Memory Tree 
15. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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Glasgow to Edinburgh

If anyone has ever travelled from Glasgow to Edinburgh in rush hour traffic, you will know how stressful and long that journey can be.Imagine that same journey but your child is unconscious and fighting for their life in an ambulance,Imagine you’ve not been allowed in that ambulance with them,Imagine your not by their side holding their hand,Imagine your in a car, unaware where the ambulance is and unaware if your child is still alive or has died without you holding their hand,Imagine your child does die the following day and for the rest of your life, you need to live...
15. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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Real Life Superheroes

I have the NHS to thank for the care they gave Jack when he died but I also have them to thank for his little sister Summer J. We received the best care possible when going through IVF and during Summer J’s delivery at the Queen Elizabeth. The doctors and midwives knew about Jack and my anxiety about something happening to Summer J during the delivery and they went above and beyond to make my whole pregnancy and birth as calm as it could be. I can honesty say her arrival was one of the most beautiful things I have...
15. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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My Boy Always Will Be The...

My boy always will be the missing piece of our family. Life will never be complete without him 💔 What happened to that little boy?How did he die?What can I do to stop it from happening my child? Just some of the questions I’ve seen on my previous posts this week. I don’t want to scare people but for those who don’t know, this is Jacks story 💔 On 17th December 2012, I had waved my happy and healthy five year old son Jack off to school all ready for his Christmas party and pantomime. At that time, I had no idea that...
15. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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To The Doctors & Nurses

As the days approach to the anniversary of Jacks death, I have been reliving those last few days of his all too short life. Your job as parent is to protect your children so when they die, you are filled with…. “What if’” “Should we have” “Could we have” Was there something we could have done?Was there something we should have done?Should we have known that there something was seriously wrong with Jack?When I took this photo of him sleeping, I had no idea that life was going to change forever. I have been thinking about the doctors and nurses that worked on...
15. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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Christmas

This time 3 years ago, my life was like many of yours. I was a mum to a handsome 5 year old little boy who was excited for Xmas. I was doing all the things that you will be doing with your children just now, decorating the house, writing letters to Santa, visiting Santa, watching xmas movies, xmas shopping, planning xmas day and trying to do everything to give my son the best Christmas. Little did I know that my life was about to change forever, my son was never going to see that Christmas or any Christmas after that....
15. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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My Christmas Wish

It’s been an emotional weekend to say the least.Yesterday and today we sent over 45 families to see Santa at Hamleys and 160 families to the Pantomine in memory of their children.The feedback from the parents has been truly humbling and on their behalf, thank you to everyone who donated.It’s been such a lovely experience organising something as special at such a difficult time of year. To see the smiles on both you and your children’s faces, has made my weekend. Today, we had some quiet time to reflect, think of Jack and spend time with other bereaved families the Royal...
15. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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Like Every New Mum, I Am...

On the left, is my son Jack who died suddenly aged 5, from an “every day cold and flu virus”.On the right, is his baby sister Summer J who I am fiercely protective of. Like every new mum, I am protective of my baby but having lost jack so suddenly to a virus, which he probably caught from someone else, almost gives me a “valid reason/excuse to be overprotective. But as a parent, we shouldn’t need a reason or a justification for being protective of our children. I have decided to write this post for all the mums and new mums out...
15. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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Precious Last Memories

This is one of my last precious memories and videos of Jack. We had gone for breakfast with Santa at Hamleys and as you can see, he was absolutely buzzing for Xmas and his 6th Birthday on Xmas Day. It is so sad seeing how excited Jack was and knowing that he never lived another 3 weeks to see that Xmas. As I watch this video, I struggle to comprehend Jack could go from this happy, healthy little boy to lying in a hospital bed, fighting for his life to gone forever. Seeing him, talk and move makes this whole nightmare...
15. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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The Bravest Thing I Ever Did...

The bravest thing I ever did was continue my life....When all I wanted was to die.... Since losing my beautiful boy Jack, there have been many times when I have felt and thought that I couldn’t go on any longer.There has been many times when the pain of his death has been so unbearable that I’ve just wanted to close my eyes and die. Several times, people who haven’t lost their child have said to me....“I’d kill myself if I lost my child”“I just couldn’t live without my son or daughter” I used to think to myself, there are right, why am I...
15. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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Back To School Photo

My back to school photo doesn’t look like yours,It used to look like yours but it doesn’t anymore,My son Jack used to be standing at the front door with his new school uniform on, But he isn’t anymore💔 My back to school photo changed forever the day my beautiful Jack died aged 5,Now, there will forever be a missing piece in my photos. This will be the photo for thousands of families over the coming weeks...Families who have lost a child,Families who can’t have children,Families who are trying to have children,Families who have a sick child. Like myself, all of those families...
14. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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School Uniforms

Since I lost Jack, I have always hated the summer holidays.One part of the summer holidays that I have always really struggled with is seeing the new school uniforms in the shops. I can’t help but think...I should be out buying Jack his.Many times I have stood crying in the middle of the shops as I watch mums try the uniform on their children.Many times I have had to walk out of the shops because I can’t cope with hearing parents and their children arguing over the uniforms.I know it can be stressful but tomorrow is never guaranteed and sometimes...
01. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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Brother & Sister Forever...

Brother and sister forever joined at the heart 💙💕 When Summer J is old enough I’ll be able to tell her all about this ambulance and all the kind people that fundraised to make it possible. I hope Summer J never needs a journey in Jacks ambulance but if she ever does, I’ll be forever grateful that I’ll get to be by her side.Until the day that I die, I’ll never forget the moment Jack was driven away in that ambulance to Edinburgh without me. I’ll never forget the journey in the car from Glasgow to Edinburgh wondering if he was still...
01. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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Special Occasions

Special occasions or family get togethers are always emotionally challenging when you have lost your son or daughter.Every day of your life, you miss their presence but it’s often more prominent when everyone is together and your child is the one that is missing. Yesterday was Summer Js christening and the first family event we have had since her arrival.It’s a personal choice but I always feel the need to include Jack in these special days.It might make people uncomfortable but there’s no way that I could not include my son in my life and in special occasions. I used to...
01. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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Jack's Ambulance

When someone you love dies, many people look for signs that their loved one is still with them. Whether it’s white feathers, robins or rainbows, people look for signs that give them comfort, signs that their loved one is still around them. Since my son Jack died, I’ve never really been a person that’s actively looked for signs, I suppose I was too scared to rely on signs, incase I didn’t get them when I needed them most. Don’t get me wrong, there have been times when I would have wanted nothing more than some kind of sign that Jack was...
01. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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My First Born

Whether you have no children, one child,or ten children, nothing or nobody can ever replace the child you lost 💔 I’m incredibly lucky to have been given the gift of another child but I will always have my first born.I can’t watch him grow up or carry him in my arms but I will always carry him in my heart. Sadly mother’s and fathers across the country lose their children every day, I never knew this fact or thought for one minute that it would happen to my son and I but it did. Bereaved parents exist all around you, be the...
01. 05. 2020 Hayleyxt
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