A Mother's Grief

No Name For A Mum and Dad

Orphans, widows and widowers. A child taken away by death, Has no name for a Mum or dad. Angel Mum/dad is what they are, A love for her child that Knows no bounds. A strength from an unknown source. A pain so physical yet She lives on. Caring for and loving their Child in this world, Never knowing that Her child was an Angel, Here only for a while. Walking in two worlds. Her child’s and hers. Heartache felt of the loss, Compassion for other Angel Mum’s and dads Is what she has. Angel Mum/Dad’s meet and share, Experiences and feelings of all They bear, Laughing and crying together, Giving comfort and peace, Of all those who feel What is so real. She flays as if...
06. 08. 2017 Arlene
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Would You Know My Name?

Would you know my name If I saw you in heaven? Would it be the same If I saw you in heaven? I must be strong And carry on, 'Cause I know I don't belong Here in heaven. Nobody can ever imagine their child dying before them, people probably don’t even let it cross their mind. Why would anyone want to think about such a tragedy unless they had to? When you see a story about a child dying on the news or Facebook, it naturally makes you stop and think, what you would do or feel if your child died. The automatic thought for most parents to...
06. 08. 2017 Arlene
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Holidays

Sometimes the holidays can be the loneliest times of the year the most. I don't even remember writing this post but it is all still so true... You might feel sad because it’s the start of the summer holidays, you might feel sad because you have to arrange childcare, you might feel sad because your child gets bored, you might get sad because your child wants to do things and you get sad because of the stress and cost of it all. I feel sad because my child isn’t here to do all ...of those things. I feel sad because this is...
06. 08. 2017 Arlene
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At The Start

At the start, I couldn't imagine living 4 days without Jack. Today marks 4 and a half years since he died and I will never know how I've got to here. It feels like forever since i cuddled him in this picture and forever since I wrote this.... My life without you is empty, I need you back so much, ... I wish you were here beside me, I long to feel your touch. Our time together was special Our love was so strong Why were you taken from me? It all seems very wrong. Why must I go on...
06. 08. 2017 Arlene
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I Only Have A Picture Now

I only have a picture now, A frozen piece of time, To remind me of how it was, When you were here, and mine. ... I see your smiling eyes, Each morning when I wake, I talk to you, and place a kiss, Upon your lovely face. How much I miss you being here, I really cannot say, The ache is deep inside my heart, And never goes away. I hear it mentioned often, That time will heal the pain, But if I'm being honest, I hope it will remain. I need to feel you constantly, To get me through the day, I loved you...
06. 08. 2017 Arlene
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I Need Help

The day after this photograph was taken was the day that I realised I needed help. It is true when they say “never judge a book by its cover”. On the outside, I looked happy and full of fun but on the inside, I was struggling to cope with day-to-day life and dealing with my overwhelming grief and emotions. I had just marked the fourth anniversary of my son’s death, my fourth Christmas without him and what should have been his 10th Birthday when I finally admitted that I needed help. For over three years, I had tried to keep busy, tried...
06. 08. 2017 Arlene
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I Would Give My Life

I would give my life to have you back, said his Mum I know you would, said her son. I cry each night for you, said his Mum And I catch all of your tears said her son I pray for the day that I can see you again, said his Mum... Close your eyes and you can see me, said her son I am always just a dream away............. You are the first person who loved me, and you are the first person I loved. You were always there when I needed you, and you always knew when I needed...
06. 08. 2017 Arlene
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What If I Told You

What if I told you that at the bright age of 5The world in his palmsThe stars in his eyesThat a boy so happySo full of joyWorld became dullAs he shut his eyesWhat if I told youThat a boy no more than fiveHad just a simple virusBut failed to surviveWhat if I told youThat little Jack KennedyWas a healthy little boyDidn’t hurt easilyLaughed did not cryIt was unexpected for him to goHis parents left with sorrow and woeWhat if I told youthat for that life threatening rideHis parents couldn’t be with him in the ambulance by his sideWhat if I...
06. 08. 2017 Arlene
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So When Are You Having Baby?

You get engaged and the first question people ask is “so when are you getting married?”You get married and the first question people then ask is “so when are you having a baby?”Since when did it become ok to ask such a person and private question?On the other hand, some people don't see them as personal and private questions, everyone sees these questions very differently. Even my husband and I both have different views on this but losing Jack has made my views on these questions change.Complete strangers have asked me, like many others that question and I often wonder...
06. 08. 2017 Arlene
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Remembering Jack

Remembering Jack, My Incredible Hulk,I brought you to this world, your flesh and blood my ownA dream of joy and happiness, that I had never knownI cradled you, and kept you warm, you set my soul on fireI loved you to the moon and back, to the mountain tops and higherI watched you grow, each day some more, and then you learned to talk,You told me that you loved me too, my love, my life, my rockThe years passed fast, I couldn’t know, the pain that was to follow,The day you left to heavens care, my heart was crushed by...
06. 08. 2017 Arlene
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How Many Children Do You Have?

How many children do you have? Do you have any children? Two common questions that often come up in conversations. Until 4 years ago, I didn’t realise how heart wrenching those questions could be. Now, I know that those two questions can be the most difficult for someone who has lost their son or daughter. Many bereaved parents don’t know how to answer those questions, especially the first time that they are asked them. They are worried that they will get upset saying they ...answer and they are worried about how their answer will make the other person feel. Many people...
06. 08. 2017 Arlene
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Mother's Day

Many will be mourning their Mums today,Many will be mourning their Grans todayBut in the past, it never occurred to be that many would be mourning their son or daughter today.That was until I lost my own son Jack.I don't know if he would call me mum or mummy or anymore, I don't know if he would still be as cuddly or tell me he loved me as much as he did when he was 5. I don't know what my son would be like anymore but I do know that for 5 years, I got to be his mummy...
06. 08. 2017 Arlene
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Just For A Second

Yesterday for a few seconds, I thought that Jack was still alive and singing the exact same that he was in this photo. But …. then I woke up. I had been dreaming that Jack was alive again, him dying had all been a nightmare and he was walking towards me singing. I was so overjoyed to see Jack and to hear his voice again, the happiness I could feel was indescribable. As Jack got closer to me, I put my arms out to cuddle him and then I realised that he wasn’t there, he really had died. I could feel...
06. 08. 2017 Arlene
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How Much I Miss You

“There are no words that can ever say, how much I miss you everyday As times goes by the loneliness grows, how much I miss you nobody knows I think of you in silence, I often speak your name But all I have are memories and you in a phot frame Nobody knows my sorrow, nobody sees me weep... But the love I have for you is in my heart to keep I’ve never stopped loving you, I know I never will Deep inside my heart, you are with me still Heartaches in this world are many, but the death...
06. 08. 2017 Arlene
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How Lonely Grieving Is

Nobody ever warned me just how lonely grieving can be and last week, four years on, I finally realised that fact for myself. I am lonely because I don’t have Jack here anymore, I don’t have his unconditional love, his cuddles and kisses or his “I love you mummy, can we do this mummy, can you get this for me mummy”. What I would I would give anything to be together again, for the sleepless nights, for the school run, for the washing basket to be full, for all the mum things ...that people often complain about. What i would...
19. 03. 2017 Amanda
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When no words seem...

When no words seem appropriate ..... ~I won't say, "I know how you feel"- because I don't. I've lost parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, and pets, but I've never lost a child. So how can I say I know how you feel? ~I won't say, "You'll get over it"- because you won't. Life will have to go on. The washing, cooking, cleaning, the common routine. there. ... ~I won't say, "Your other children will comfort you"-because they may not. Many mothers I've talked to say that after they have lost a child, they easily lose their temper ith their remaining children. ~I won't say, "Never...
19. 03. 2017 Amanda
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The Last Time

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms, you will never be the same. You might long for the person you were before, ... When you have freedom and time, And nothing in particular to worry about. You will know tiredness like you never knew it before, And days will run into days that are exactly the same, Full of feedings and burping, Nappy changes and crying, Whining and fighting, Naps or a lack of naps, It might seem like a never-ending cycle. But don’t forget … There is a last time for everything. There will come a...
25. 01. 2017 Amanda
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Could You Get Over It?

Would you be able to "get over it" or "move on" if your son or daughter died? Most people can't answer that question because they don't even want to think about such a tragedy happening to them. In reality, nobody can answer that question honestly until they have experienced such a tragedy. ... From personal experience, I know I'll never "get over it" how can I possibly get over the death of my own son? I don't think ill ever accept or understand how a healthy 5 year old can die overnight. I'll also never "move on" as that suggests I'm moving...
11. 01. 2017 Amanda
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I Carried My Son

I carried my son inside me for 9 months, I carried him in my arms when he was a baby and all through his life, I carried him upstairs every night to bed and on this very day four years ago, I carried my own son to his funeral and to his grave. Although I knew that a woman carrying a coffin isn’t the “done thing”, I had carried my son his entire life and there was no way that was going to change at his funeral. Along with his dad, his grandads and uncle, I made the decision to carry...
05. 01. 2017 Amanda
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Baby If You Got To Go Away

Baby if you've got to go away I don't think I can take the pain Won't you stay another day Oh don't leave me alone like this... Don't say it's the final kiss Won't you stay another day I remember having to go buy a heavy jacket the night before Jacks funeral and as it was Xmas, this song was playing in the shop and all I could do was cry. That night, I knew I was going to see my son for the very last time and the following day I knew I would have to bury my own child....
05. 01. 2017 Amanda
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