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Just For Today!

Just for today I will try to live through the next 24 hours
and not expect to get over my child’s death,
but instead learn to live with it, just one day at a time.

Just for today I will remember my child’s life, not just her death,...
and bask in the comfort of all those treasured days and moments we shared.

Just for today I will smile no matter how much I hurt on the inside,
for maybe if I smile a little, my heart will soften and I will begin to heal.

Just for today I will reach out to comfort a relative or friend of my child, for they are hurting too, and perhaps we can help each other.

Just for today I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt,
for deep in my heart I know if there was anything in this world
I could of done to save my child from death, I would of done it.

Just for today I will honor my child’s memory
by doing something with another child
because I know that would make my own child proud.

Just for today I will offer my hand in friendship
to another bereaved parent for I do know how they feel.

Just for today when my heart feels like breaking,
I will stop and remember that grief is the price we pay for loving
and the only reason I hurt is because I had the privilege of loving so much

Just for today I will not compare myself with others.
I am fortunate to be who I am and have had my child for as long as I did.

This life hasnt turned out the way i expected or wanted it to but I am lucky to have had 6 amazing years with Jack, i am lucky to have been his mum and to what it was like to feel his love. Some people are not as lucky as me.

Everyone gets so busy and stressed at this time of year but just for today, take a minute to appreciate what you have. Like me, there will people who arent as lucky as you xx

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December's Here Again

The start of December marks the start of such a happy time for many families but for me, it marks the start of the saddest month of the year, the month that changed my life for the worst, forever. On the 1st of December children get to open their advent calendars and every year I make sure that Jack still gets one too. He’s no longer here but as a mum, I still want and need to do something for him. This year I took the Lego Star Wars advent calendar to Jacks grave as I bent d...own to kiss this photo on his headstone, I noticed one single drop of water under his left eye, what I can only describe as one single tear.

Seeing that tear took me back to the last night of Jacks life when lying in Edinburgh Sick Kids Intensive Care where he was unconscious and he hooked up to all sorts of machines. As I lay beside him on the bed, I noticed tears starting to roll out of Jacks closed eyes, down his cheeks. The doctors had already told us that Jacks organs and brain were damaged and that it was unlikely that he would live much longer but for a split second those tears made me think that Jack was alive and that he was crying because he could feel pain. I remember saying to nurses, Jack is crying, is he in pain? Can he feel something? Does this mean that he’s going to pull through? At that time, I tried to cling onto any signs of hope as I couldn’t accept the fact that my son who had be healthy 24 hours previous was going to die. I remember feeling relief when she said that Jack was in pain but also devastation that there really was no hope to cling onto, my son really was going to die. I can still see those visions in my head and seeing the tear on the photo at his grave took me right back to that moment, that helpless moment as his mother knowing that there was nothing I could do to help him from his pain or save him from his death.

As December starts, many people will be shedding tears for the loss of a loved one or for many other reasons. Before you tell a person to “cheer up”, “get in the festive spirit”, call them a “bah hum bug”, take a moment to remember that none of us really know what goes on in a persons life and why they may not enjoy Christmas and the festive season.

Sending love and strength to every family that is starting December without their son or daughter xx

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Grief Is Messy

Grief is unpredictable, messy and ugly but it is something that everyone of us will face at some point in our life.
Have you loved someone through their grief?
Have you always been there for them?
Have you never gave up on them?
If so then your amazing because not everyone is like you..... sadly I hear so many people say how isolated they feel in their grief 💔

...

When a child or loved one 1st dies, people rally around those that are grieving, the door and phone never stops and the offers of support are countless. Sadly for some people, after the funeral and as the months and years go on, the door and phone stops going and the offers of support are non existent. People have this idea that time solves everything and that grief just stops but it doesn't work like that.

Tonight brightest star is sending love and thanks to everyone that loves and stands by people who are grieving. They need you more than you know 💙

Maybe this is a post for you to thank people who have stood by you in your grief. Let them know that you appreciate them loving you through your grief. Let them know that you appreciate them standing by you when it could have been easier to walk away from you

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Please Just One More Night??

I would give anything to put this little guy to bed for just one more night. To tuck him in, read him a story, feels his cuddle and kiss and hear him say “night night mummy, love you” just one more time. I would give anything to hear him shout “mum” during the night or hear climb out his bed, walk along the hall and appear in my bed saying, “your beds better mum” as he holds my hand and falls asleep. I would give anything for another sleepiness night with him rolling about m...y bed, kicking and punching me as he moved about in his sleep.

Would one more night be long enough? Even the very thought of saying goodbye again is unbearable but I miss that little guy so much that I would take just one more minute with him.

The last night that I put Jack to bed, I had no idea that I would never get to do it again. Life is so empty and sad without Jack. A sadness that I can never describe. Life is precious, make the most of every day because some people aren't lucky enough to live a long life

xxx

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